life lesson

WHEN LIFE KICKS YOU,
IT KICKS YOU FORWARD

Just thought I'd share...

mi puss real good

my boy found this and it put a smile on my face. thank God for the good people in your life who can put a smile on your face. they are worth more than all the accolades and trophies in the world.

Standing On the Edge

I’m standing on the edge. The perfect primer for S.I.N. When I was 19 (everything was 19, it seemed a pivotal age in my life—a celebration of freedom and spiritual self-mutilation), some drama would occur and I would engage in self-inflicted nonsense. Bilal was good to me in the office, Faith killed me on the subway, Pink filled me at night. I searched for something to make me feel wonderful and dead. Not numb. Numbness is a padded wall between the act and the experience. Death means that during the act I could exist outside of my body, floating far enough above the intercourse of blood and pain that the act and the experience were two separate occurrences. The act and experience meant nothing to me. They were chemicals in a test tube, each stabilizing the other, giving each other purpose. Without purpose, alone, each are volatile and bitter. I want the separation.

He wants to cheer me. I resist. Death is smooth and sexy. Death smells like cognac and wears blue. Death is comfort. Understand. I want comfort. I resist. I have no will to fight it.

until then

I'm going to try to write more and post more upbeat stuff. Until I am in the place where I can post that sort of stuff...